Jujitsu practitioners, Mixed Martial Artists - You got nothing on Isabella-Te Karate!

The attack wasn't planned. There wasn't foresight or intended malice. It just happened. And the target was easy. An unmoving target oblivious to the world. 3:00 AM with nothing better to do… why not?

I remember feeling the first poke in my eye the first time but excused it as an elbow, foot or hand that may have accidentally found its way in my direction. The second poke was a little odd so I moved towards the edge of the bed to make more room for the occupants of the bed - Donna and baby Bella. The third poke and the odd feeling of someone trying to pull my eyeball out eventually woke me up and forced me to rationalize the situation more effectively. Then the feeling of someone grinding their knuckle into my eye socket finally made me scream in pain.

“OWWWW – DAMNIT!”

I opened my eyes just in time to see Bella jerk her hand away from my face and innocently lay it on her chest.

I rubbed the pain out of my eye. It took a second to realize something was amiss. I was angry, yes, but something was odd in the way Bella was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she was laying still. Oddly still. Too still. Forced stillness. As if feigning dead in front of a brown bear in order to avoid getting eaten. But unlike a brown bear, papa bear doesn’t fall for such ineffective acts of innocence.

I’ll have to give it to her. She learned all this from me. From my taps on opposite shoulders of the kids, to playfull pokes in the ear or ribcage only to have them turn around to try and catch me as I pretend to be sleeping or watching tv or reading a book. It's all my fault. They say she’s got my mischief. I was the same way when I was a kid.

BUT SHE WAS STABBING ME IN THE EYE WITH HER FINGER AT THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!

I never stabbed people in the eye while they were sleeping.

I never tried to pull someone’s eyeball out at 3:00 AM.

I never tried to grind my knuckle into someone’s eyeball, even during ground fighting nights at the dojo.

So despite my anger, I was a little amused and yes, a little at fault.

“Bella!” I called out sternly.

And her response was not from a two year old sleeping sound as she tried to appear to be. Apparently, when you are two years old and someone calls your name despite your attempt to feign sleep, you answer. You can't help it. Even with your eyes closed. So without hesitation in hearing me call her name she immediately opened her eyes and answered with an irritated, why are you bothering me I'm sleeping, “What?”

“Please don’t poke Papa’s eyes when he’s sleeping” I pleaded. I'm still in the third person speaking stage of toddler talk.

“Okay, Papa.”

“Thank you, Baby.”

“I sorry, Papa.” She apologized then closed her eyes and rolled over closer to her mommy.

I plopped my head back down on my pillow. Somewhat amused. Definitely wide awake. And determined to get bunk beads for Bella and Jacob.

But before I fell asleep, I made sure to face the other way so that my eyeball wouldn’t be so prone to another attack.