A movie review that doesn't even need one...

Or deserve one.

"Shadows of the Dead"

Don’t watch this film!

I’m serious.

But you probably will anyway.

But don’t.

It’s just bad.

Horrible.

And I don’t even have the patience to even review it.

But I will…

After I quote users of Netflix because they’ve said it all already.


Shadows of the Dead
My Rating: 1/10

Quick Review: It’s a test of love as a couple struggles with the fact that they are turning into Zombies.

My comment: Nice premise. HORIBBLE SCRIPT, DIRECTION, ACTING AND EDITING. Climax? What climax? Nothing made sense, everything was forced, and the believability factor... nil.

Netflix comments:

My friend and I spotted this find at our local Blockbuster and thought it would be perfect for Bad Movie Night, a bi-monthly celebration of utter lack of talent, motivation and creativity. That being said, this is the absolute worst movie I have ever seen. Understand, it is so bad that it doesn’t come close to being entertaining. It is not even funny. I sat through the first hour with an unflinching desire to rip off the “actor’s” arms and beat them to death with their own appendages. I endured until I feared I would throw heavy objects at my screen. I would recommend this film for the truly masochistic, or possibly as an alternative to corporeal punishment. Enjoy!

and another

probably the worst movie that I have ever seen. If you have an hour and half of your life that you don't value rent this movie and knock yourself out.

and another one

This was a worthy effort, but it bored me to death. It contained little gore, or any action for that matter, and the movie's main focus is just two people sitting around a cabin talking. The only gore you're gonna get is just a few trickles of blood. The zombies never have anything more than pasty white faces. All the action of the film is only mentioned after the fact. The guy being bitten isn't shown, his first kill isn't shown, his rotten body parts falling off isn't shown! All that's left is one big converstation between a guy and girl. On top of that, most of what they are talking about just isn't interesting. Two zombies lying on a bed making puns with the word dead is not what any zombie fan wants to see. I guess that it was supposed to be inspiring that this young couple stayed together even in death, but that theme was somewhat ill-acheived. The only things in the movie's favor was some decent camera work and the acting wasn't too bad, but the characters really aren't likeable enough so you don't care about them. Obviously any zombie movie is going to lack strong characterization, but if you don't make up for it in other areas then what have you got left. I really don't recommend you see this film unless you are having trouble sleeping.

and finally the one that really wraps it up

1 star is the lowest possible rate, I need a zero star for this movie. I fall asleep after 15 minutes into the movie. It was a good sleep.

So why, you may ask, did I watch this movie?

Although this may bite me in the butt, I guess I need to review it... I met the producer, writer, director, editor of this film - Carl Lindbergh
- at a July 4th party.

He mentioned he did a Zombie-esque Character driven movie and how low budget filming is a pain and is not fun at all. He also said he would never do anything but horror and would never shoot anything but 35mm… He also said he hates Hollywood. – you know... one of those. Sounds pretentious doesn't it? Normally you reserve this attitude for those art-house filmmakers, which he probably is. I mean he did do a character driven movie about zombies.

But here’s the deal… First, low budget filming is a pain, but it sure can be fun. All I’ve ever worked on have been low budget productions. All were fun. I guess its you, and the crew, and planning that can make it fun. Yes, its work, but I’d rather get up to work on a low budget film with a fever than get up and do my day job. Second, if you are so compelled to shoot 35mm there has to be a reason right? You want it to look great! So if you have the money, why not? Well, this movie could have been best served if it was shot on video. Not even digital. Just home video. Because the quality of the film, even watching it on DVD, was just poor. It looked bad and 35mm didn’t even help it. So why waste money on film?

This movie is one of the movies that makes up-and-coming filmmakers such as myself frustrated.

Why?

Because someone got it produced with, get this… $750,000…

It has distribution, people are renting it and falling asleep, and it’s a bunch of crap.

Give me 750K and you’ll get something that keeps you awake.