"Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you." ~Marsha NormanI was so out of it this morning. I got out of the shower, made coffee and got dressed for work.
I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and pulled out Bella's bottle instead of my coffee cup from the dish washer. I was totally lost and couldn't figure out what I was doing. I figured Bella would be awake soon so I decided to pour her some milk.
The milk cartoon has a spout so its easy to pour the milk into the bottle. After I poured it, I couldn't figure out why the top of the bottle wouldn't screw in right and I realized I was trying to screw it onto the milk cartoon spout.
I shook off my confusion, poured coffee into my mug and brought the bottle to Bella. I hope she's drinking milk and not coffee.
Then I realized I had tons of dreams last night. Dreams about driving, driving by the beach on a long never-ending drive. I had dreams about reading and looking at a never ending stack of books to read. I had dreams about wearing yellow socks, a bright sunny day, kicking back in the back seat of a car as if I was a kid on a family vacation. I dreamt all night long it was weird. I remember driving by the beach and seeing a dolphin through the rocks. But I couldn't get a clear view of it as I pointed it out and I thought maybe it was just a rock I saw. I remember driving up a mountain path, the white sand of the beach below and a bright MORNING sun beating down on me. I noticed I was wearing yellow socks with black converse hightops. I also remember being in a room at the library thinking there are too many books to read. There was this girl with a pierced upper lip and I couldn't stop staring at the little diamond. I wasn't sure if it was a mole, but I knew in my dream it was a diamond.
I'm still a little out of it. Maybe not. I don't know. I do know, I'm dreading work.
I don't know what these dreams mean. Maybe its true, they are just illustrations from the book my soul is writing about me.
The other day someone asked me what I've written and why I became a writer.
So I decided to reflect back about me... about my writing days and how I started.
I never knew I'd ever write a screenplay. In high school I dreamed about being a novelist. An espionage, spy novelist. I also thought I needed experience and during my last two years of high school I was really thinking about joining the army. I wanted to be in the Special Forces. I wanted to go under cover and do some dark, deadly things. Eventually hiding out in some cabin in some remote, secluded area of Switzerland writing memoirs of my missions.
During the 1st Gulf War I was ending my last year of college and I felt guilty that I wasn't there. I thought hard about enlisting once agian after getting my degree. I had put writing aside because of an article in Writer's Digest I read about not having enough experience to write till age 30.
I wrote my first feature screenplay at the age of 30. I wrote it in seven days. It was called "SATURDAYS" and it was about a guy who's religious upbringing, strict parents and mixed up morals kept him from his passions. He quit college to be a writer and produce his own movie. Every newbie writer will write about a writer as their first script. It's unavoidable and has to be done. And it usually sucks but you have to get it out of your system. I've heard pitches and read scripts from tons of new screenwriters who have written themselves into a script and its all about writing. They were all boring. Just take a Begining Screenwriting Class somewhere and listen to all the scripts people are planning on writing about writing.
I shelved "Saturdays" after passing it around and never ever looked at it since. It's horrible.
But then I took some elements of the script, enrolled in a screenwriting class and wrote my second feature called "BLIND LOVE" (Currently called "Sushi a Go-Go"), a cross-cultured romantic comedy about a conservative guy and an exotic dancer. I entered it into screenwriting competitions and it came in as a Finalist to one of the TOP THREE competitions at the time. The Chesterfield Fellowship. It gave me confidence as a writer. That script has been sent to several competitions and has gone on to more qualifiying positions, Semi-Finalist, Quarter-Finalist, than rejection letters. It just has never won.
The next script was a family script. It was called "Ethan and the Lost Dog from Outer Space" (Currently called "Zen and the Way of the Space Dog"). It is about a boy and a lost dog from outer space. And that too made it to verying levels of competition status. But it has never won.
I wrote a feature with a writing partner called "A Loss of Words" but I lost passion on the project, and writing, and left it with him. He's done well with it.
Then there's those features that I shelved because they sucked. "Full Circle", "Life Love and My Virgin Best Friend", "Misdirection"...
And tons of screenplays that I have never finished.
It's weird thinking back at the past eight years and all that I've written. There's tons of short films that will never ever be read, tons of short stories, and tons of journal entries spread out from the internet to handwritten journals. All this while starting a family, holding a full time job, and trying to produce films on the side.
I've written alot. But it's frustrating because I realize I haven't written enough.
The past eight years... it's like a dream.
"Man is a genius when he is dreaming." Akira Kurosawa. Japanese filmmaker.I guess I was a genius last night.
It's about anger and writing from anger, frustration, etc. The list is to help bring out that anger and focus it on paper.
This was tough. I'll go through each and give explanation.
Really, there hasn't been many who have criticized, undercut, or sabotaged my creativity but I'll start off with the one obvious one.
So number one...
1. ME.
I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to creativity. I sit down, get caught up with a baseball game or DVD or the Internet. I know that I need to edit pages, or continue on with a script but the next thing you know its the next day and work has not been done. Other things get in the way that I choose to do when I could just write. So the number one "creative monster" has got to be me.
2. J. KUNASAKI
I worked for a very big company as a business analyst back in the mid 90s. This woman was my boss. I thought there was a lot of potential working for her. Then I realized SHE HATED MEN and wanted my female counterpart to succeed. Yes, even my counterpart admited to me, "JK TOLD ME NOT TO SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS." Damn bitch... a damn bitch. I'd say 100% of the department didn't care for her. Maybe some hated her like I did. She was a brown nose suck up who thought she was 'all that' and when she walked away people would shake their heads and think otherwise. During a performance review she told me that I wouldn't amount to anything if I didn't focus on one thing - like work. She said I should quit acting, playing hockey, trying to write, and focus on business if I wanted to make it. Hell, I've made it in business without fricken focus, and I've managed to act on stage and write, start a family and succeed in almost everything I do. You have to make it happen. She basically said I had too many interests and I was never going to amount to anything. God, she was such a bitch. I guess she's not really a "creative monster" because she didn't hold me back creatively, but she looked at me like I was a failure.
3. Parents.
I'd like to be apart of everything Jacob is going through. I'd like to know what he's passionate about and support it in any way possible. Not only support it, but make sure he knows I support him, his passions and actively be there for him. My parents have never ever ever done that with my writing. NEVER. It's always about how much will I get paid. It's always about the money. It's never about hapiness and well-being. They believe money is the cause of problems and the remedy. If we are in debt, its because of money. But if I had money, I wouldn't have any problems. I could care less if I was in debt. I care more about being able to write.
Next is to number from 1 to 3 again and list 3 people you'd like to "show".
I'd like to 'show' all three people above my eventual success to put them in their place. Yes, even me.
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